Jokes of the Day

Punch Lines without punctuation.
AuRoRa

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by AuRoRa »

Dragonne wrote::)


LOL @ Jarrod

Blond Jokes :

How do you keep a blonde at home?
Build a circular driveway.

What do blondes say after sex?
'Are you boys all in the same band?'

How many blondes does it take to milk a cow?
Five - one to hold the udder, and four to lift and the cow up and down.


Questions not to ask in Forein Countries

IRELAND
“Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk?"
"This beer is black- did a leprechaun crap in it?”

FRANCE
“Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that?"
"Aren’t the French just Germans who can make sauces?”

ITALY
“Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus?"
"I could sure go for a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ”

POLAND
“Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?”

GERMANY
“Is this bratwurst kosher?”

TURKEY
“Where’s the hash at?"
"It’s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?”

KOREA
“Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?”

CHINA
“This wall isn’t so great.”

ENGLAND
“Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?”

SWEDEN
“Do you have any normal meatballs?"
"Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?”

YEMEN
“Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it meaning -- ‘Land Of Fanatics And Dust' ?”

INDIA
“You don’t live in teepees?"
"Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?”

ETHIOPIA
“After a long day of travel, I’m famished."
"Hey – those flies sure love your pregnant son!”

CANADA
“You’re like Americans without money.”

SPAIN
“So, this is the country that’s not Portugal?"
"Wow. Your women can shave if they want to, right?"
"Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?”


SOUTH AFRICA
“I liked it better the other way.”

MEXICO
“What's that smell?”

SAUDI ARABIA
“Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car?"
"Is it legal to beat your wives here, or what?”

RUSSIA
“Is it always this cold and economically devastated?”

UZBEKISTAN
“Can you spell Uzbekistan?”

GREECE
“I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy."

AFGHANISTAN
“Seriously, where is the real country… where is everything?”

JAPAN
“What’s Hiroshima? Is that a kind of sushi?”

AUSTRALIA
“How can we stop Mel Gibson? Is there a cure?”

AMERICA
“Was John Wayne gay?”
SoSheOhPathix

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by SoSheOhPathix »

One helluva name for a vessel full of 'seamen'
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Onyx
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Posts: 1701
Joined: Thu Jun 14, 2007 10:06 am
Location: Pretoria

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by Onyx »

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink, and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

"He just ate the cue ball off my pool table! He swallowed it whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it. Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his ass, pulls it out, and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" He asks.

“No, what?" replies the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his ass, pulled them out, and ate em!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to shit out that cue ball, he measures everything first."
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SoSheOhPathix

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by SoSheOhPathix »

Witbank flatscreen TV
baselineac
Senior Member
Posts: 1053
Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 6:17 pm

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by baselineac »

classic
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AuRoRa

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by AuRoRa »

More The Classic.. It's EPIC CLassic... :rofl:
baselineac
Senior Member
Posts: 1053
Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 6:17 pm

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by baselineac »

:rofl:
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SoSheOhPathix

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by SoSheOhPathix »

Some 'Motivationals'
AuRoRa

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by AuRoRa »

A panic stricken woman called a Tech Support Company.

LADY: 'Last night my computer started making a lot of hissing noise at me so I shut it down. This morning when I turned it on the computer started hissing and cracking, then started smoking and had a bad smell...then nothing'.

SUPPORT: 'I'll have a technician come over. Leave the computer just like it is, so they can find the problem and fix it, or change it out with another computer. Give me your address; phone number and the technician will be there just as soon as they can'.

When the tech got there, the lady showed him the compute, told him what had happened, and the problem was soon found. Take a look at the pictures... you won't believe your eyes!!!!!


And you thought you had computer problems.


FIRTS CHECK THE FOTO'S.... The Continue Reading



The snake was identified as a 'South African Spitting Cobra', better known as Mfezi, the 'Staffie of the African snake species.
The technician told her: It must have been after the mouse! The woman didn't see any humor in that!
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Megageth
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Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 2:36 pm

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by Megageth »

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