fficial%26sa%3DG[/url]edit: ... and anuvver one: http://failblog.org/page/1/
Jokes of the Day
-
s3xy_j0nny
- Senior Member
- Posts: 4046
- Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 2:44 pm
- Contact:
Re: Jokes of the Day
EPIC Fail poster site: [url]http://images.google.co.za/imgres?imgurl=http://www.lifelounge.com/resources/GALLIMAGE/Funny-Fail-Posters_1.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.lifelounge.com/forums/default.aspx%3Fg%3Dposts%26t%3D182&usg=__xLtth2dPzgKqyDjJTd1dnuSSvcI=&h=472&w=660&sz=51&hl=en&start=1&tbnid=LKKvgFWZt5lgIM:&tbnh=99&tbnw=138&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dfail%2Bposters%26gbv%3D2%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Doff%26client%3Dfirefox-a%26rls%3Dorg.mozilla:en-GB fficial%26sa%3DG[/url]
edit: ... and anuvver one: http://failblog.org/page/1/
fficial%26sa%3DG[/url]edit: ... and anuvver one: http://failblog.org/page/1/
From the darkness you must fall
Failed and weak, to darkness all.
-
NiteShade
- Senior Member
- Posts: 2486
- Joined: Fri Oct 06, 2006 7:03 pm
- Location: Edenvale, Gauteng, South Africa, South Africa
Re: Jokes of the Day
Michael Jackson died of a heart attack this morning after he discovered that Boyz II Men was a band, not a delivery service.
- - - - - - - - - -
Reports suggest that his heart attack was brought on by him choking on a small bone.
- - - - - - - - - -
Actually - it wasn't a heart attack. Apparently it was food poisoning (he had some 12-year-old nuts.)
- - - - - - - - - -
Michael Jackson did manage to whisper a brief message 2 paramedics on the way to the hospital...
"Put me in the children's ward."
- - - - - - - - - -
It was touch-and-go at the hospital last night. Then they moved Jacko away from the children's ward.
- - - - - - - - - -
They can't decide what to do with him. Have a funeral... or a Tupperware party.
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Michael Jackson has died aged 50. In spirit of recycling, he will be melted down into plastic cups so kids can still get their lips around his rim.
OR:
Authorities have released a statement saying that they will melt his body down and make plastic toys, so kids can play with him for a change.
- - - - - - - - - -
At the autopsy they found children's underwear strapped to his upper arm.
According to his doctors it is just a patch: he's been trying to quit for a while.
- - - - - - - - - -
Michael Jackson is not going to be buried or cremated but recycled into shopping bags so he can remain white, plastic and dangerous for kids to play with.
- - - - - - - - - -
Reports suggest that his heart attack was brought on by him choking on a small bone.
- - - - - - - - - -
Actually - it wasn't a heart attack. Apparently it was food poisoning (he had some 12-year-old nuts.)
- - - - - - - - - -
Michael Jackson did manage to whisper a brief message 2 paramedics on the way to the hospital...
"Put me in the children's ward."
- - - - - - - - - -
It was touch-and-go at the hospital last night. Then they moved Jacko away from the children's ward.
- - - - - - - - - -
They can't decide what to do with him. Have a funeral... or a Tupperware party.
- - - - - - - - - -
Michael Jackson has died aged 50. In spirit of recycling, he will be melted down into plastic cups so kids can still get their lips around his rim.
OR:
Authorities have released a statement saying that they will melt his body down and make plastic toys, so kids can play with him for a change.
- - - - - - - - - -
At the autopsy they found children's underwear strapped to his upper arm.
According to his doctors it is just a patch: he's been trying to quit for a while.
- - - - - - - - - -
Michael Jackson is not going to be buried or cremated but recycled into shopping bags so he can remain white, plastic and dangerous for kids to play with.
-
s3xy_j0nny
- Senior Member
- Posts: 4046
- Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 2:44 pm
- Contact:
Re: Jokes of the Day
And that's when/how the fight started...
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift..
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************************************
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started....
************************************************************************
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started....
************************************************************************
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
************************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
************************************************************************
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf '
Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift..
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....
************************************************************************
I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started....
************************************************************************
My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'
So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started....
************************************************************************
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
************************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
************************************************************************
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf '
Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
From the darkness you must fall
Failed and weak, to darkness all.
-
s3xy_j0nny
- Senior Member
- Posts: 4046
- Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 2:44 pm
- Contact:
Re: Jokes of the Day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtofbxmlv8Y
dumb biker...
edit: why i'm scared of fast bikes - idiots use them : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwx0Id4lF8I&feature=related
dumb biker...
edit: why i'm scared of fast bikes - idiots use them : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wwx0Id4lF8I&feature=related
From the darkness you must fall
Failed and weak, to darkness all.
-
s3xy_j0nny
- Senior Member
- Posts: 4046
- Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 2:44 pm
- Contact:
Re: Jokes of the Day
From the darkness you must fall
Failed and weak, to darkness all.
-
s3xy_j0nny
- Senior Member
- Posts: 4046
- Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 2:44 pm
- Contact:
Re: Jokes of the Day
What do you do if the person sitting next to you on a passenger flight is irritating you?
1- Remove your lap top from its bag
2- Open the laptop slowly and carefully
3- Turn on
4- Ensure the passenger next to you is watching
5- Turn on the Internet
6- Close your eyes for a brief moment, open them again, turn your
gaze upwards to the skies as if in prayer
7- Take a deep breath and open this site http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html
8-Observe the facial expression of your neighbouring passenger
1- Remove your lap top from its bag
2- Open the laptop slowly and carefully
3- Turn on
4- Ensure the passenger next to you is watching
5- Turn on the Internet
6- Close your eyes for a brief moment, open them again, turn your
gaze upwards to the skies as if in prayer
7- Take a deep breath and open this site http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html
8-Observe the facial expression of your neighbouring passenger
From the darkness you must fall
Failed and weak, to darkness all.
-
NiteShade
- Senior Member
- Posts: 2486
- Joined: Fri Oct 06, 2006 7:03 pm
- Location: Edenvale, Gauteng, South Africa, South Africa
Re: Jokes of the Day
A man gets on a bus and sees a pretty young nun. He sits down next to
her, and pleads with her: "You are so attractive and I must have sex
with you." "No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and
gets off at the next stop. The man is devastated. The bus driver, who
overheard, turns to the man and says: "I can tell you how to get to
make love with her!"
"Yeah?", says the man. "Yeah!" say the bus driver.
"She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So
all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that
glowing powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery
claiming to be an Angel.
"The man promises to give it a Try, and arrives at the cemetery
dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. "I am an Angel," he
declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about His face>
"God has directed me to make love with you." The nun agrees without
question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is
desperate not to lose her virginity. The man agrees, and promptly has
his wicked way with her. This was the best sex he had ever had.
After finishing, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he laughed happily. "Surprise surprise, I am the man from the
bus!"
"Ha-ha," replied the nun. "Surprise surprise and I'm the bus driver
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to
keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift
your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift
itself......"
her, and pleads with her: "You are so attractive and I must have sex
with you." "No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stands up, and
gets off at the next stop. The man is devastated. The bus driver, who
overheard, turns to the man and says: "I can tell you how to get to
make love with her!"
"Yeah?", says the man. "Yeah!" say the bus driver.
"She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday night at midnight to pray. So
all you have to do is dress up in a robe with a hood, put some of that
glowing powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in the cemetery
claiming to be an Angel.
"The man promises to give it a Try, and arrives at the cemetery
dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night. "I am an Angel," he
declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about His face>
"God has directed me to make love with you." The nun agrees without
question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is
desperate not to lose her virginity. The man agrees, and promptly has
his wicked way with her. This was the best sex he had ever had.
After finishing, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he laughed happily. "Surprise surprise, I am the man from the
bus!"
"Ha-ha," replied the nun. "Surprise surprise and I'm the bus driver
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to
keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his private parts.
A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift
your hat."
He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift
itself......"