Jokes of the Day

[SlipperyDuck]

A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted
a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The woman below replied, "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30
feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and
between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude."

"You must be in I.T.” said the balloonist.

"I am," replied the woman,
"How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me Is technically
correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information and the fact is I'm
still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've
delayed my trip.

"The woman below responded, "You must be in Management."

"I am," replied the balloonist, "but how did you know?"

"Well," said the woman, "you don't know where you are or where you're going. You
have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a
promise, which you've no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to
solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were
in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my f**king fault."

[Stu]

@ Jules: roflmao [If you even take a glimpse of the remote control, you will lose it (your eye).]

@ Stu: firing squad for your last post, dude.

is that cause I'm on fire? or because it was a lame attempt ? I'm confused...

[scicopathix]

Do these jokes have to be clean and civil?
I just got an awesome SMS joke, but some of the more feminine members may be offended.

[SlipperyDuck]

you are sober right? you do realize where you are?

[s3xy_j0nny]

zackly, ffs. don't come to these forums acting like we censor shit, damnit! Fucking post the fucking joke - if anyone complains I'll fucking ban the cunt.

[scicopathix]

Okaaay... you asked for it.

Quote for the day:
"Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like eating your sister's pussy... It may taste the same, but there's something just not right about it"

[SlipperyDuck]

AAarrgghhh, wheres the erase button

[Megageth]

This one's a bit old...

How do you know when your sister is having a period?
You can taste the blood on your father's dick.

[Stu]

A ship sinks of the coast of the Canary Islands.
Only 3 survivors make it to one of the islands. John, Jack & Jane.
After 3 months nature begins to take it's course so John & Jack take turns having their way with the approving Jane.

3 months of solemn orgies pass when Jane can't take anymore and decides to off herself.
Jack & John are distraught and very upset.

After 3 weeks nature starts to kick in again and another 3 months of orgies takes place.
Eventually John says to Jack "You know boet I feel really bad about how we treated Jane".
Jack says "You're right boet, maybe we should bury her now..."

[s3xy_j0nny]

This one's a bit old...

How do you know when your sister is having a period?
You can taste the blood on your father's dick.