A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only
to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum
cleaner.
"Good morning," said the young man. "If I could take a couple
minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very
latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners."
"F*** off!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money" and
she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, the young
man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
"Don't be too hasty!" he said.
"Not until you have at least seen my demonstration." And with
that, he emptied a bucket of horse sh*t all over her hallway
carpet.
"If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this
horse sh*t from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the
remainder."
"Well," she said, "I hope you've got a f***ing good appetite,
because Eskom cut the electricity this morning!!!"
Jokes of the Day
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s3xy_j0nny
- Senior Member
- Posts: 4046
- Joined: Thu Oct 05, 2006 2:44 pm
- Contact:
Re: Jokes of the Day
From the darkness you must fall
Failed and weak, to darkness all.
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scicopathix
Re: Jokes of the Day
The pictures are almost as funny as the stories down the RHS of the page (Femail)
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SlipperyDuck
- Posts: 11493
- Joined: Sat Jun 22, 1974 12:00 am
Re: Jokes of the Day
Jabu walked into class every morning with a black eye. After a while his teacher got worried and asked him about it. Jabu's answer was:
"Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep in the same bed.
Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?' Then I say 'no' and then he donners me and gives me a black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer". The following morning Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. But the day after that Jabu comes back with a black eye again.
"My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"
He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again... 'Jabu are you sleeping?...and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started doing..you know, mos... 'IT' on the bed. Then my father asks my mother:
'Are you coming?' then my mom says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered ... Yes'. Not wanting to get left behind, I also answered and said 'wait for me, I'm also coming, let me just put on my shoes!' THAT'S WHEN I WAS MOERED!!!"
"Our house is very small miss. Me, my mother and my father, we sleep in the same bed.
Every night my father asks, 'Jabu are you sleeping?' Then I say 'no' and then he donners me and gives me a black eye."
So the teacher says to him, "when your father asks again, keep dead quiet and don't answer". The following morning Jabu comes to school and his eye is fine, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. But the day after that Jabu comes back with a black eye again.
"My goodness Jabu, why the black eye again?"
He tells her: "Mam, Dad asked me again... 'Jabu are you sleeping?...and I shut up and kept dead still. Then my father and my mother started doing..you know, mos... 'IT' on the bed. Then my father asks my mother:
'Are you coming?' then my mom says, 'Yes I'm coming, are you coming too?' and my dad answered ... Yes'. Not wanting to get left behind, I also answered and said 'wait for me, I'm also coming, let me just put on my shoes!' THAT'S WHEN I WAS MOERED!!!"
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I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.
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I've only been wrong once, and that's when I thought I was wrong.
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Re: Jokes of the Day
Not exactly a joke, but an interesting read none-the-less.... (added some comments here and there 
)
THE HUMAN BODY
The human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.
- Scientists say the higher your I.Q., the more you dream.
- The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
- You use 200 muscles to take one step.
- The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
- A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands. (That explains a lot!!! (Phewwww!!)
- There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. (mmmm..... )
- A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
- The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades. (Who was the poor soul who had to test this theory? :hmmm
- The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
- Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver (http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/cirrhosisliver.htm) than men with hair. (Whatever that is supposed to be....)
- At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell. (Alrighty then..)
- Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil. (That's it! I’m sitting in the geyser when I get home from now on!!)
- Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
- When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
- Your thumb is the same length as your nose. (Try not to let your thumb get stuck in your nose. :slap
)THE HUMAN BODY
The human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.
- Scientists say the higher your I.Q., the more you dream.
- The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.
- The largest cell in the human body is the female egg and the smallest is the male sperm.
- You use 200 muscles to take one step.
- The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.
- A pair of human feet contains 250,000 sweat glands. (That explains a lot!!! (Phewwww!!)
- There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet. (mmmm..... )
- A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.
- The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades. (Who was the poor soul who had to test this theory? :hmmm
- The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.
- Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver (http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/diseases/facts/cirrhosisliver.htm) than men with hair. (Whatever that is supposed to be....)
- At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell. (Alrighty then..)
- Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil. (That's it! I’m sitting in the geyser when I get home from now on!!)
- Your teeth start growing 6 months before you are born.
- When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, and they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.
- Your thumb is the same length as your nose. (Try not to let your thumb get stuck in your nose. :slap
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scicopathix
Re: Jokes of the Day
Onyx wrote:- Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil. (That's it! I’m sitting in the geyser when I get home from now on!!)
You do realise how many gallons of water are in that geyser?
You'll be in there for the rest of your life, or until you turn to soup, whichever comes first.
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scicopathix
Re: Jokes of the Day
Hope these actually post to the forum.
How I larfed and larfed!
To those offfended... get over it.
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How I larfed and larfed!
To those offfended... get over it.
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Re: Jokes of the Day
"From goo-goo to grrr in six weeks" - LMAO!
Theres hope for you yet candycakes, post your home address and I'll buy you a "My first roid" kit online.
Theres hope for you yet candycakes, post your home address and I'll buy you a "My first roid" kit online.
Re: Jokes of the Day
hehe... yes, I had a good laugh at that one too... 
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