Jokes of the Day
-
NiteShade
- Senior Member
- Posts: 2486
- Joined: Fri Oct 06, 2006 7:03 pm
- Location: Edenvale, Gauteng, South Africa, South Africa
Re: Jokes of the Day
True story, apparently
Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing
this.
Many Chicago folks did hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in
Chicago.
The DJ's play a game where they award winners great prizes.
The game is called "Mate Match". The DJ's call someone at work and
ask if
they are married or seriously involved with someone.
If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random
yet
highly personal questions.
The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with
phonenumber for verification.
If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they
both
win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made
the
City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is
possibly the
funniest thing I have heard yet. Anyway, here> 's how it all went
down:
DJ "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you heard of Mate Match?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ "Great! Then you know were giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida
if you
win. What is your name? First only please.
Contestant "Brian."
DJ "Brian, are you married or what?
Brian "Yes."
DJ "Yes? Does that mean that you're married or you're what?"
Brian (laughing nervously "Yes I am married."
DJ "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian "Sara"
DJ "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian "She's gonna kill me."
DJ "Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work"
Brian (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
Brian "She is gonna kill me."
DJ "Stay with me here Brian! "
Brian "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian "About 10 minutes."
DJ "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said
that
if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian "Yeah, a trip would be nice."
DJ "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
morning?"
Brian Laughing Hard " I ummm, I, well..."
DJ "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with
us for a
couple of weeks..."
DJ "Uh Huh..."
Brian "...and the Mother In Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian "On the kitchen table."
DJ "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous
hundred times
I have done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's
work
number and call her up. You listen to this."
Three Minutes of Commercials Follow
DJ OK audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?
(touch tones...ringing..)
Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ "Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"
Clerk "This is she."
DJ "Sara, this is Edgar from WBAM, we are live on the air and I have
been
speaking with Brian for a couple hours now."
Sara (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
give
any answers away or you'll lose.
Sooooo do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"
Sara "No"
DJ "Good"
Brian (laughing)
Sara (laughing)"Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian (laughing) "Just answer the questions honestly, okay?
Be completely honest."
DJ "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah.If
your
answers match Brian's answers, then both of you are off to Orlando,
Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World, Sea World, Tickets to the
Magic's
game. The wholedeal. Get it Sara?"
Sara (laughing) "Yes."
DJ "Alright, when did you last have sex, Sara?"
Sara "Oh God, Brian...uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
DJ "What time?"
Sara "Around 8 this morning."
DJ "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sara "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ "Hmmmm. That's good enough. I am sure she is trying to protect
his
manhood. We've got one last question, Sara. You are one last
question away
from a trip to Florida.
Are you ready?"
Sara (laughing) "Yes."
DJ " Where did you have it?"
Sara "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"
Brian "Just tell him, honey."
DJ "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"
Sara "Well..."
DJ "Come on Sara.....where did you have it?"
Sara "In the ass...."
After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station
break"
Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing
this.
Many Chicago folks did hear this on the WBAM FM morning show in
Chicago.
The DJ's play a game where they award winners great prizes.
The game is called "Mate Match". The DJ's call someone at work and
ask if
they are married or seriously involved with someone.
If the contestant answers "yes", he or she is then asked 3 random
yet
highly personal questions.
The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with
phonenumber for verification.
If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they
both
win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made
the
City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is
possibly the
funniest thing I have heard yet. Anyway, here> 's how it all went
down:
DJ "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you heard of Mate Match?"
Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
DJ "Great! Then you know were giving away a trip to Orlando, Florida
if you
win. What is your name? First only please.
Contestant "Brian."
DJ "Brian, are you married or what?
Brian "Yes."
DJ "Yes? Does that mean that you're married or you're what?"
Brian (laughing nervously "Yes I am married."
DJ "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
Brian "Sara"
DJ "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
Brian "She's gonna kill me."
DJ "Stay with me here Brian! Is she at work"
Brian (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
DJ "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
Brian "She is gonna kill me."
DJ "Stay with me here Brian! "
Brian "About 8 o'clock this morning."
DJ "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
DJ "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
Brian "About 10 minutes."
DJ "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said
that
if a trip wasn't at stake."
Brian "Yeah, a trip would be nice."
DJ "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this
morning?"
Brian Laughing Hard " I ummm, I, well..."
DJ "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
Brian "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with
us for a
couple of weeks..."
DJ "Uh Huh..."
Brian "...and the Mother In Law was in the shower at the time."
DJ "Atta boy, Brian."
Brian "On the kitchen table."
DJ "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous
hundred times
I have done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's
work
number and call her up. You listen to this."
Three Minutes of Commercials Follow
DJ OK audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?
(touch tones...ringing..)
Clerk: "Kinkos."
DJ "Hey, is Sara around there somewhere?"
Clerk "This is she."
DJ "Sara, this is Edgar from WBAM, we are live on the air and I have
been
speaking with Brian for a couple hours now."
Sara (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
DJ "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to
give
any answers away or you'll lose.
Sooooo do you know the rules of 'Mate Match'?"
Sara "No"
DJ "Good"
Brian (laughing)
Sara (laughing)"Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
Brian (laughing) "Just answer the questions honestly, okay?
Be completely honest."
DJ "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah.If
your
answers match Brian's answers, then both of you are off to Orlando,
Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World, Sea World, Tickets to the
Magic's
game. The wholedeal. Get it Sara?"
Sara (laughing) "Yes."
DJ "Alright, when did you last have sex, Sara?"
Sara "Oh God, Brian...uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
DJ "What time?"
Sara "Around 8 this morning."
DJ "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
Sara "12, 15 minutes maybe."
DJ "Hmmmm. That's good enough. I am sure she is trying to protect
his
manhood. We've got one last question, Sara. You are one last
question away
from a trip to Florida.
Are you ready?"
Sara (laughing) "Yes."
DJ " Where did you have it?"
Sara "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"
Brian "Just tell him, honey."
DJ "What is bothering you so much, Sara?"
Sara "Well..."
DJ "Come on Sara.....where did you have it?"
Sara "In the ass...."
After a long pause, the DJ said, "Folks, we need to take a station
break"
-
*knightfox100*
- Senior Member
- Posts: 303
- Joined: Tue Oct 16, 2007 8:33 pm
Re: Jokes of the Day
Paddy has broken his leg and his mate Mick goes round to see him.
Mick says "How you doin?"
Paddy says "Do us a favour, nip upstairs and get my slippers, my feet are freezing."
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's two gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters sitting on the bed.
He says "Your dads sent me up here to shag the both of you ".
They say "get away with ya.. prove it."
Mick shouts downstairs "Paddy, both of em?"
Paddy shouts back "of course both of em, what's the point of f#ckin one?"
Mick says "How you doin?"
Paddy says "Do us a favour, nip upstairs and get my slippers, my feet are freezing."
Mick goes upstairs and sees Paddy's two gorgeous 19-year-old twin daughters sitting on the bed.
He says "Your dads sent me up here to shag the both of you ".
They say "get away with ya.. prove it."
Mick shouts downstairs "Paddy, both of em?"
Paddy shouts back "of course both of em, what's the point of f#ckin one?"
Re: Jokes of the Day
After having their 11th child, a Liverpool couple decided that was enough, As the social wouldn't buy them a bigger bed and they weren't strong enough to nick one, the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me' 'Trust me, it will do the job,' said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand...
The procedure also works in Birmingham, parts of Essex, Sunderland, Hull, Aberdeen and anywhere in Ireland!
The doctor told him there was a procedure called a vasectomy that would fix the problem but it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a firework, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The scouser said to the doctor, 'I may not be the smartest guy in the world, but I don't see how putting a firework in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me' 'Trust me, it will do the job,' said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a banger and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count '1, 2, 3, 4, 5,' at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could continue counting on his other hand...
The procedure also works in Birmingham, parts of Essex, Sunderland, Hull, Aberdeen and anywhere in Ireland!
Re: Jokes of the Day
*knightfox100* wrote:Achmed the Dead Terrorist
Oh man that is funny stuff, checked it out a while ago
"SILENCE!!! I kill you"
-
baselineac
- Senior Member
- Posts: 1053
- Joined: Thu Sep 20, 2007 6:17 pm
Re: Jokes of the Day
Candidate wrote:*knightfox100* wrote:Achmed the Dead Terrorist
Oh man that is funny stuff, checked it out a while ago
"SILENCE!!! I kill you"
my favorite piece on achmed ........."so achmed , what went wrong?"
..................premature detonation
Re: Jokes of the Day
my favourite is
"So how do you spell Achmed?
"A.....C........gaaaaaalamed"
And of course
"Silence!!! I keeeeell you"
"So how do you spell Achmed?
"A.....C........gaaaaaalamed"
And of course
"Silence!!! I keeeeell you"
-
scicopathix
Re: Jokes of the Day
Eishkom technical support helpdesk:
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