Jokes of the Day

Punch Lines without punctuation.
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Onyx
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Jokes of the Day

Post by Onyx »

Thought you guys might need a Funnies Thread :D

Not the funniest joke in the whole world, but here goes:

Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is that the picnic site is ten miles away So, it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer. "Ok Roy give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it" Mick gets worried, He turns to Andy, "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally Andy didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches. After two hours, and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the sandwiches, he finally agrees

So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace. 20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise.
Another 5 days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat, Roy pops up from behind a rock and
Shouts "I KNEW IT'. I'M NOT GOING!!!
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s3xy_j0nny
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Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by s3xy_j0nny »

Bennie is cruising one of the local junior schools in his bakkie, looking for innocent children to lure away with his sweets. He spies a potential "date" and calls the boy over to his car to talk.
B: "Hey there, little guy"
Kid: "hello"
B: "If I give you a sweetie, will you come in my car?"
Kid: "Shit, if you give me the whole bag, I'll come in your mouth..."
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From the darkness you must fall
Failed and weak, to darkness all.
scicopathix

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by scicopathix »

:rofl:
OMG! I gotta tell the CPU boys that one! They'll love it.
Thanks, J0nny
L3pr3c4un
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Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by L3pr3c4un »

lol Jonny are u 1 of those okes that bumps lil boys off there bicycle's & smells the seat??
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NiteShade
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Location: Edenvale, Gauteng, South Africa, South Africa

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by NiteShade »

A man is lying in bed and calls out to his wife who's in the lounge: "Honey, come see my clock!!!"
So the wife walks into the room and see's her husband lying on the bed with a big hard-on.
She says: "That's not a clock!"
To which he replies: "As soon as you put your two hands and face on... it will be!"
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hilariousgenocide

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by hilariousgenocide »

What has 2 legs and bleeds?

Half a dog bwagaga
L3pr3c4un
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Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by L3pr3c4un »

hilariousgenocide wrote:What has 2 legs and bleeds?

Half a dog bwagaga


or a woman lol
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hilariousgenocide

Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by hilariousgenocide »

dammit lep, the ambiguity is the funny
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Onyx
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Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by Onyx »

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in another race and it won again. The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races. The next day the local paper headline read:

BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, Posted the following headline:

NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the headlines read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free. The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas ... The Bishop was buried the next day.


MORAL OF THE STORY???

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life.

So, be yourself and enjoy life.

Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.
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FunGuye
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Re: Jokes of the Day

Post by FunGuye »

Q: How do you find Jono in a female nudist colony?
A: It's not hard

Q: How do you circumsize a hillbilly?
A: Kick his sister on the jaw

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A: The swallow

Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don't have balls to scratch

Q: What's the difference between a G-spot and a Bar?
A: A guy will actually search for a bar

Q: What's the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again

Q: What's the height of conceit?
A: Having an orgasm and screaming your own name

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