Resignation

[Onyx]

Due to the attitude and actions of some of the [grrr]s towards Mark over the last while I have had to make the decision to resign from the clan. I feel I need to support him in this matter as I have no other choice - unless you guys feel that you can promise to treat him as you would me - with consideration and respect as if he were one of your own.

My heart is in pieces and this had made me very sad. I hope you guys understand and wouldn't mind if I popped in to chat now and again.

I will miss you muchness....

Nursey, over and out

[Paul]

Hey Onny

Very sad to hear this, I hope you reconsider. You will always be welcome to pop in and have a chat.

Please can you pm me to let me know the details, I actually thought that the little break might be working as I had not heard of any issues.

[pmurgs]

[Thor_23]

[J_Th4ng]

Due to the attitude and actions of some of the [grrr]s towards Mark over the last while I have had to make the decision to resign from the clan. I feel I need to support him in this matter as I have no other choice - unless you guys feel that you can promise to treat him as you would me - with consideration and respect as if he were one of your own.

Wow, where to start? Odi, this is exceptionally sad, if not wholly unexpected, news. You've been an integral part of grrr for many years now, we've shared a huge amount of both good (mostly) and bad over that time. You will be very sorely missed, and leave a hole in this clan.

That said, I want to address what you wrote in your resignation, because I believe it's unfair. My views are not representative of the rest of the clan, but I want you to know how I feel about all of this.

Firstly, Mark has always been accepted by us, and treated with the respect that we treat each other - in fact more in a lot of instances. We've made him a part of our social activities, invited him to squad up with us in-game, join our TS/Mumble channel, and almost treated him as we would any other member of the clan. Which, let's not forget, he's not.

Both of the instances that have occurred (that I know of - please elaborate if there are any others), came as a result of Mark taking offense for something that we did as a clan.

The first incident was as a result of a lot of the clan moving across to play LOTRO because we were bored of BC2, and wanted something to play while waiting for BF3 to be released. For some reason Mark took offense that there were no grrrbians on the server for him to play with, and the resultant spat culminated in him refusing to go to rAge, meaning that you were unable to join us.

Now, let me be blunt here. How the fuck does Mark feel that he has the right to get upset with people because they don’t play the same game that he does? Not only does no-one get to question what we play, it’s a personal decision made by adults as to what they do for fun, but add to the fact that he’s not even a member of our clan. People in our clan that didn’t want to play LOTRO didn’t get upset with those of us that did, so what right does Mark have to make that call? It’s wrong, and it deprived us of having our favourite nursey at rAge with us.

Believe me, even though there was no issue with Mark before rAge, most of the grrrbians that were at rAge took tremendous offense at Mark for keeping you away from our annual gaming gathering.

Despite all of the above, once BF3 was released, Mark was welcomed back into our squads and our TS/Mumble channel, and we carried on as if nothing had happened. We all played together, and much fun was had by all. Up until the second incident occurred...

Some time in December (IIRC), there were a bunch of us playing together on a server, and on the grrr TS channel. At the time, you weren’t playing, it was just Mark and three grrrbians in a squad. Shortly thereafter, a fourth grrrbian joined the team, and Sheri asked Mark very politely if he would mind leaving the squad so that the four of us could squad together and get some practice in. Mark complied, and we carried on with our gaming. Shortly thereafter Mark quit the game and the TS channel.

Sheri, being the polite person that she is, phoned you guys later in the evening to check that Mark was okay about everything, and to apologise (not that any apology was required IMO) to Mark for asking him to leave the squad. Mark confirmed at this point that he was upset at the treatment that he had received. This AFAIK is the incident that has caused you first to suspend and now to cancel your grrr membership. Please correct me if I’m wrong or add any details that I may be missing.

Now, on the second issue, I fully stand by Sheri, and her request to Mark that he make space in the squad for a clan member. Once again, Mark is not a member of the clan, he is merely a guest of the clan who enjoys VIP status due to his relationship with you. Under normal circumstances, if there were three grrrbians in a squad and a fourth wanted to join, any non-clan player in the squad would be summarily kicked to make space for the further grrrbian. This without notice or apology. In Mark’s case, we bent over backwards to avoid offending him.

The above are the facts as I have them (once again, please correct any that II have wrong). Reading the above, I can’t see how we should have behaved any differently than we have.

I’m going to spin off a little here on my own opinions that I’ve garnered from these experiences over the last six months. Odi, I’m sorry if these views come across as hurtful to you, but quite honestly I’ve sat on them for a long time now, and I feel that I’d be doing our friendship a disservice if I didn’t mention them.

It is my very strong opinion, based on the evidence above, that Mark is doing his best to drive a wedge between you and grrr. I’m not sure if he feels us to be a threat to his relationship with you, or if he simply doesn’t like us for some reason, but it strikes me that Mark uses any possible excuse to keep you away from participating in gaming and/or social activities with your clan. These moments of anger that he has with the clan are not rational in their basis, and serve only to further this end.

I’m sure that he’s now achieved his ultimate end-goal, causing you to leave the clan, and most importantly, making it your own idea.

I am tremendously sorry to see you leave the clan. As mentioned above, you have been a very important friend to me over the last several years, and losing that is heartbreaking. Unfortunately though, it’s become painfully clear that there is no room in your life for both Mark and grrr, despite every effort on our side to include him.

As to treating Mark with respect, I don’t believe that there is any more respect that we could afford him, even if we wanted to. On the basis of his past behaviour though, I for one don’t want to give him that respect, because he doesn’t respect us.

Odi, all of the very best to you and to your life ahead. I wish you every happiness with all of my heart, and for as long as your path is with Mark, I wish him every happiness too. Just please please please don’t let him hurt you, or dominate your will with his own.

Yours in brotherhood (and sisterhood ),

Jarrod

[SlipperyDuck]

oh my hat, really?

What on earth could have happened that is causing such a drastic reaction?

I am truely dissapointed with this. When you and Mark first hooked up, I thought things were looking good for you, that things were about to turn arouned, that you had someone to help you.

After what I've seen over this last few years has made me truely sad, you've been abducted, your freedom has been taken and your spirit is broken.

While there is nothing I can do about it, I think you should know that I am truely disappointed, I can't see how you have allowed one man to take away all your friends - and you're happy with that?

What else, what other freedoms, what other sacrifices, things that we cannot see since we interface via a website, have you had to make to please this guy? Do you have to become a nobody with no friends, no personallity and no life so that you can fit into his world?

If this were up to me, if I had the means to do so, I would have bought you a place to stay, on your own so that you can get out of what seems to be a very distructive relationship.

Convince me otherwise.

[TygerBS]

Oooh no. This seems all to crazy.

Being a new member of the clan i haven't been a round for all these probs, and i wasn't around with he latest thing on teamspeak.

Ony, even though i dont know you that well, from the first time i met you we had an instant friendship.
You seem like such a genuine open and loving person, and i am very sad to see you go.
I will miss the opportunity of getting to know you better.

A few Questions. If mark is so upset why has he continued to play with us online in squads?
Being an adult, why cant mark speak to the people who have offended him directly and clear the air if possible? Surely lumping the whole of grrr into a pile for the same wrong doings is not justified?
Why not have an open and honest conversation about it all?
Is this what you really want Ony?
I can understand standing by your partner, but at the same time he needs to stand by you and respect your friendships and relationships, surely its a two way street?
I ask you to please re-consider please....
Do you think i can have a chat to mark and find out what he is thinking?

[Skouperd]

If you ever need anything, come to us, we're here for you.

What he said.

[Megageth]

Yeah Onny, I echo the thoughts of my clan mates.

My 2c: We always try to include Mark wherever possible, more for your sake that anything else. Having spent a bit of time with him in Cape Town he has a genuine side to him but some issues that are now adversely affecting your life. He is quick to take offence, often when none is intended. I know that you want to support him in his life and decisions but perhaps the two of you should look deeper at the cause of this incident because I have a feeling that leaving the clan will not bring a permanent solution.

[Phatso]

I'll be 100% honest in saying I have never had a problem with Mark. He has always been friendly to me and gets upset no quicker than anyone else should the right buttons be pressed.

That being said, I understand the views that the clan have posted above, but would prefer to rather state that you should do what makes you happy at the end of the day Odette. You have always been a great support and an allround awesome person that has done nothing but add to the value of this fantastic clan and family we have.

If you choose to leave under any circumstances, I will definitely not hold it against you. The choice between online and personal will always be a challenge and each has its own unique circumstances. However, I do hope that you reconsider and if it means taking an extended leave of absence, so be it.

The reasoning behind the strong words spoken above is because the clan really cares about you and the guys are really upset that something has caused you to make such a big decision.