Jokes of the Day

[SoSheOhPathix]

That clip is so obviously not real, Mike.

The Ster Kinekor AK has a sealed barrel, so a blank has more than sufficient pressure to work the piston group.
The one's the extras carry, incidentally, are made of hardened rubber.

Also, in that clip, consider that that weapon is displaying no recoil characteristics at all. Sure, a chimp has the strength of approx. 7 men, but I'm fairly sure it wouldn't have compensated for it, and the rifle would have bucked a little, at least.
I also see no muzzle flash.

Chances are, it was produced by a film co., using a trained Chimp (I somehow doubt a wild chimp would just wander into a Somalian terrorist camp without immediately being renamed... lunch)
Film co.s have access to special effects, film fake weapons, etc.
Or, they could simply have used an airsoft marker, and dubbed in the rifle sound effects (AK 47 has a very distinctive sound, which you can download off the internet. It's one of my telephone ringtones)

[NoMaD]

I loled never the less! :P

[flycatchr]

That clip is so obviously not real, Mike.

The Ster Kinekor AK has a sealed barrel, so a blank has more than sufficient pressure to work the piston group.
The one's the extras carry, incidentally, are made of hardened rubber.

Also, in that clip, consider that that weapon is displaying no recoil characteristics at all. Sure, a chimp has the strength of approx. 7 men, but I'm fairly sure it wouldn't have compensated for it, and the rifle would have bucked a little, at least.
I also see no muzzle flash.

Chances are, it was produced by a film co., using a trained Chimp (I somehow doubt a wild chimp would just wander into a Somalian terrorist camp without immediately being renamed... lunch)
Film co.s have access to special effects, film fake weapons, etc.
Or, they could simply have used an airsoft marker, and dubbed in the rifle sound effects (AK 47 has a very distinctive sound, which you can download off the internet. It's one of my telephone ringtones)

thats what i wanted to hear, thanks

[Megageth]

Last week, the boks rugby practice was delayed nearly two hours after a player reported finding an unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. Coach Peter Div immediately suspended practice while police were called to investigate. After a complete analysis, experts determined that the white substance unknown to players was the TRY LINE.

[Megageth]

Slow day here so here's one I heard today:

Lizard is walking past a tree when he see's lots of smoke coming from the branches. He looks up and see's Monkey sitting with a huge bag of weed, smoking a fat one. Lizard begs Monkey for some zorl and soon the two of them are firing it up. After a while Lizard gets thirsty and tells Monkey he is going down to the river to drink lots of water. Lizard gets to the edge of the river but is so stoned that he falls in and gets washed downstream, right into the grip of Crocodile.
Lizard sez: Hey Crocodile, dont eat me man! I know where you can get a nice big juicy monkey instead.
Crocodile lets Lizard go and swims upstream then follows the trail of smoke right to the tree where Monkey is sitting.
Monkey looks down with blood-shot eyes and sez: Fuck Lizard! I didn't know you were gonna drink that much water.

[J_Th4ng]

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning
to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I
converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning!
-----------------------------------------------------------
The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did....
she's 21 and her name's Lucy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting paedo
and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It
completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low
cut tops. Although they do make me look a bit gay.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a
spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."
-----------------------------------------------------------
My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give
him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year. You want to stop
before you're banned from teaching altogether."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What's the difference between a blond and a brick?
A: The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend - Beautiful,
Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible. Or in
other words.............
B.I.G.T.I.T.S.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half
an hour as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything -
KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot.."
-----------------------------------------------------------
Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11%
said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."
-----------------------------------------------------------
I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show.
Turns out I got it all wrong and the program's called Fact Hunt.
-----------------------------------------------------------
The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me
because she can't afford batteries!
-----------------------------------------------------------
Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing
line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs
back.
-----------------------------------------------------------

[Megageth]

.

[Megageth]

Q: Whats the difference between Dubai and Abu Dhabi?
A: The people of Dubai don't like the Flintstones but the people of Abu Dhabi do.

[NiteShade]

I don't get it.

[Megageth]

What does Fred Flintstone yell?
Yabba dabba doooo - > Abu Dhabi do.