GRRR Squad Forum

A man went to confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

'Father', he confessed, 'it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Cookie Green twice last month.'

The priest told the sinner, 'You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's.'

Soon thereafter, another man entered the confessional. 'Father , it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Cookie Green twice a week for the past two months.'

This time, the priest questioned, 'Who is this Cookie Green?'

'A new woman in the neighborhood,' the sinner replied.

'Very well,' sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary's.

At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.

The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, 'Is that Cookie Green?'

The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply, 'No Father, I think it's just the reflection from her shoes'.

Engrish FTW! lol

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I love C&H cartoons.
There may be some previously-seen ones, but just deal with it... I couldn't be bothered paging through 35 pages of this thread to see which ones I already posted.


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Not exactly a joke, but funny nonetheless:

1. A young Chinese girl nicknamed "Snowly" died after playing the online game "World of Warcraft" for several continuous days. The girl was said to be preparing for a relatively difficult part of the game and had very little rest. A big online funeral was held for Snowly one week after her death. The Chinese government is now seeking to instate a gaming curfew, limiting sessions to three hours at a time.

2. In an attempt to make her character stronger in the online game of World of Warcraft, a woman prostituted herself. Needing 5000 gold to purchase an 'Epic Flying Mount,' one of the fastest mounts in the game, she offered anyone playing on her server the opportunity to perform a variety of sexual acts in exchange for the in-game currency. In a posting on Craigslist on 4/8/07, the player stated that if someone were to transfer 5000 gold pieces to her account to purchase an epic flying mount, then that person can, "mount," her.

3. A South Korean man died in 2007 after reportedly playing an online computer game for 50 hours with few breaks. The 28-year-old man collapsed after playing the game Starcraft at an internet cafe. The man had not slept properly, and had eaten very little during his marathon session. The cause of death was heart failure stemming from exhaustion. He was taken to hospital following his collapse, but died shortly after. He had recently been fired from his job because he kept missing work to play computer games.

4. A Belgian user of Second Life was forced, by using a so called “voodoo doll” --a piece of code that takes the form of a regular object as a cup or pen or whatever but in fact gives control of your avatar-- to perform sexually explicit behavior. In theory, a user must give his consent in order for other player to take control of his avatar, but using one of the above mentioned voodoo dolls and some persuasion you can make a user (especially a new one) to give access to his avatar. After the incident, Brussels' public prosecutor asked patrol detectives of the Federal Computer Crime Unit to go on Second Life to investigate the “virtual rape”.

5. In 2005, Blizzard introduced a new area to its popular World of Warcraft. The boss of the area was able to cast a spell called Corrupted Blood, which was supposed to infect and cause damage to all the players nearby. Contrary to what Blizzard planned, however, the players remained infected even when they returned to their towns, contaminating pretty much everyone around them. The plague spread through the game servers and thousands of players died. Blizzard managed to create quarantine zones within the game, and shortly afterwards it introduced a 'cure' for the infection. Despite the remedies the event created a lot of buzz in online forums and community websites.

6. A Brazilian gang called "La Firma" kidnapped the top score holder in the licensed MMO, Gunbound in order to get his account and sell it. Gunbound is a very popular light combat/competitive MMO developed in Korea. User accounts trade on the blackmarket for up to $2,700. Apparently, the group tried to steal the unnamed top players account on a number of occasions (perhaps by stealing his password). They successfully trapped the player by using a girl who flirted with him online and enticed him to meet her in an internet cafe in Sao Paulo. She didn't show up, instead, a guy with a gun did and kidnapped the player and forced him to disclose his account information. The gang then offered the account on a website for $8,000. Brazilian Police arrested the gang later.

7. A 12 year-old Norwegian boy saved his sister and himself from a moose attack using skills he picked up in the online role playing game 'World of Warcraft.' When Hans Jurgen Olsen and his sister were attacked by the moose, Hans knew the first thing he had to do was taunt it so that it would leave his sister alone and she could run to safety. "Taunting" is a move one uses in World of Warcraft to get monsters off of the less-well-armored team members. Once he was a target, Hans remember another skill he'd picked up at level 30 in 'World of Warcraft' -- he feigned death. The moose lost interest in the inanimate Hans and wandered off into the woods.

8. In March 2005, a Chinese man was stabbed to death in a row over a sword in online game Legends of Mir 3. Shanghai gamer Qiu Chengwei killed player Zhu Caoyuan when he discovered he had sold a "dragon sabre" he had been loaned. Mr Chengwei only got the powerful virtual weapon shortly before it was sold for 7,200 yuan (£460). Before the attack Mr Chengwei told the police about the theft but had no response since the police said the weapon was not real property. The online gamer has been given a suspended death sentence for his crime.

9. A 17-year-old was pinched for burglary in the Netherlands after walking off with $5,900 worth of virtual furniture from Habbo Hotel. Habbo, which attracts more than 6 million users in over 30 countries each month, is comparable to Second Life in that people use the service to create a virtual likeness to inhabit an online world. A lot of real money changes hands in Habbo in order to purchase virtual goods used by people to personalize their online experience. That real money involved is what got the police interested in the theft. Apparently jealous of other patrons' decor, the suspect swiped their keys, stole the furnishings and stashed them in his own room and the suites held by five accomplices. The virtual thief methods were a little nefarious: he lured Habbo Hotel users into giving up their passwords by creating fake Habbo sites. He was charged with burglary and hacking.

10. A boy who spent an entire day kneeling down playing computer games needed hospital treatment for a blood clot in his leg. Dominic Patrick, 14, from Merseyside, developed deep vein thrombosis after a rainy day inside with a games console. The potentially dangerous condition was caused because Dominic had his legs tucked under his body. Dominic noticed something was wrong when, after getting up from playing games all day, he got pins and needles in his legs and one of his calves swelled up. When this failed to go away, his father initially put it down to "growing pains", but eventually took him to a doctor, who diagnosed DVT.

FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW TO A HAPPY LIFE:

1. it’s important to have a woman, who helps at home,
who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you
laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust
and who doesn't lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed
and who likes to be with you.

5. It's very, very important that these four women
do not know each other.

The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.

Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first! , then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough..

Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:

(1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children!

Firstly....


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Moti-posters, not to be confused with Muti-poster

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Then...

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Okay, this is getting really tedious, so I'll just post the girly ones now, see?


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