GRRR Squad Forum

Since this seems to be the place for new recipes...

TO MAKE LOVE...

Ingredients:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
2 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
1 Firm banana

Directions:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well
creamed. For best results. Continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with nuts,
leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften, repeat
steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

Notes (If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen):
1. Wash utensils carefully before and after use.
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, leave town.

The Judge President of the Cape Bar went duck hunting in rural Limpopo Province . He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's
field on the other side of a fence. As the judge climbed over the fence, an elderly Afrikaans farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The Judge responded, 'I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it.'
The old farmer replied, 'This is my property, and you are not coming over here.'
The indignant judge said, 'I am one of the most important judges in South Africa and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and
take everything you own.'
The old farmer smiled and said, 'Apparently, you don't know how we settle disputes in Limpopo Province. We settle small disagreements like this with the 'Three Kick Rule.'
The Judge asked, “What is the 'Three Kick Rule'?”
The Farmer replied, 'Well, because the dispute occurs on my land, I get to go first. I kick you three times and then you kick me three
times and so on back and forth until someone gives up.'

The Judge quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old codger. He also liked the idea of
kicking an Afrikaner so he agreed to abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly climbed down from the tractor and walked up to the Judge. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy steel-toed work boot into the judge's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick to the midriff sent the judge's last meal gushing from his mouth. The judge was on all fours when the farmer's third kick to his rear end, sent him face-first into a fresh cow pat.

Summoning every bit of his will and remaining strength the judge very slowly managed to get to his feet. Wiping his face with the arm of his jacket, he said, 'Okay, you old Afrikaans fart. Now it's my turn.'
The old farmer smiled and said, 'Nah, I give up. You can have the duck.'

OK this isn't a joke but this is literally the funniest video I have ever seen. EVER!

I laughed so hard I was crying

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lOosBB5viFM&feature=related

Candidate wrote:OK this isn't a joke but this is literally the funniest video I have ever seen. EVER!

I laughed so hard I was crying

Dude, you are strange... I thought we had a similar sense of humour, but that was only mildly entertaining. I was expecting a fart joke at least.

Jonny, perhaps you'll like this one?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IqIKVtBmV2I&feature=related

Mad Skillz! I bet that guy gets all the chicks!

Megageth wrote:Mad Skillz! I bet that guy gets all the chicks!

Who needs a Urologist!

After having their 11th child, a Brakpan couple decided that was
enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his
wife didn't want to have any more children...

The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy but
that it was expensive. (For people staying in Brakpan, paying more than
R50 for anything other than booze, car accessories or a sound system, is
expensive).

A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a
cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Brakpan), light it, put it in a beer
can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10! The man said :
" Aag, yinne, I maait not be de cleverest oke in the wurlt, but I
dussin see how putting a cherrie borm in a beer can, next to my ear, is
going to help me. "

" Trust me, " said the doctor...

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb, and put it in a beer can. He
held the can up to his ear and began to count: " Wun, twooo, freee,
forrr, faaaiife, " at which point he paused, placed the beer can between
his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.

This procedure also works in: Vanderbijlpark, Vereeniging , Meyerton, Springs,
Bronkhorstspruit, Primrose, Kempton Park West, Orkney, Randfontein, Westonarie, Brits.

Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian


10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."

3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.