GRRR Squad Forum

Wow - where do i start after reading all the comments. I feel that there is a lot more going on in this thread than I fully understand but I wanted to talk about the events of the night from my perspective.

I called Mark to apologise for my behaviour when we asked him to leave the squad. To put it in perspective, Mark and I had been squad’ing up for a few games earlier that evening and then in the middle of the game in question, we asked him to leave. I remember that we jumped around on a number of servers, that day. So to be honest, in hindsight, I felt it was not the correct thing to do. It was not a practice game; we were all doing our own thing anyway and in the end did not stay in-game for much longer. It would have been better to split the squad so that we all had a buddy. - but that's in hindsight...

The reason I apologised was because I would have been a little upset in the same situation. I also know that it was not done with any malice intended - but that does not change the fact that feelings were hurt.

In fact the thing that saddened me the most was that at the time, I could have spoken up and said what was silently going through my head - but did not.

Just to show how things can get complicated very quickly, one can see very different perspectives from four people – and I am not saying that anyone is lying but rather we tend to take away things that make sense to us and justify the rest.

The fact is that I spoke to Mark a few days after the game. At the time I did not know that he was upset, only that things were bothering me about the night. I remember speaking to Fly and the guys during one game and mentioning that it was not sitting right with me. When I got the chance a few games later, I spoke to Mark on another channel and he confirmed that he was really upset by what happened and I apologised.

I did not tell anyone about our conversation as Mark and i reached an understanding and got things off our chests. I read Sexy’s comment and I feel the same way – work and home life is so complex and stressful as it is. I just don’t feel like getting into long drawn out debates on who is right and who is wrong. In the end, each must sit quietly and come to terms with their decision, make their statements and then live with the consequences.

I didn't comment in this grrr forum because I chose to take it up privately with Onyx via sms. Like Onyx, I hate confrontation and often choose to be silent or avoid it in any way possible. However, after reading everything that has been posted I want to air my views publicly because I am pissed off at being made out to be the big, bad, selfish bitch in this whole story.

Firstly, I want everyone to know that I have always held grrr and its members in the highest regard. I truly love each and every one of you. As everyone says, its like having an extended family. My worst fear is causing shame to this group of wonderful people.

Secondly, I think this whole situation has been blown way out of proportion. My views on the evening: Lep and I get home late after having a night out for dinner and decide to play. We join the server and happen to all end up being on the same side. Yes, our side was being owned and I was getting tired of it. I was not in a squad that I could speak to anyone and felt frustrated. I made the suggestion to make a grrr squad so we can try to turn things around. I had no specific, evil intentions towards Mark. It could have been any joe-schmoe in the squad and I still would have wanted that person to leave so I could game with my clanmates. Unbeknownst to Mark, our internal grrr discussion repeatedly mentioned trying to squad up together on public servers in order to try and start 'gelling' in order to prepare for the upcoming league. Besides which, us members in the Nutz team were still able to prove our worth and be promoted to the Baggers team. Well, I thought this was the perfect opportunity! Mark offered to "make space" and I accepted the opportunity to play with the other grrr members in one squad. Was I to know they have all been playing for hours beforehand? Why didn't anyone voice any objections? Why did Mark seem to so graciously give up his spot but secretly be so hurt? I suppose what hurts me most is that Mark, Onny, Dirk and myself did become 'house friends' (as they say here in SA) and I thought Mark knew me better. How could he think I had some malicious intent? Mark disagrees but my mindset at the time was to get the game turned around and get practice in for the league by working as a squad. It just so happened to be that all the players on the server then belonged to the now disbanded Nutz team.

Thirdly, I want to say that I did phone that SAME NIGHT to apologize to Mark. So more than ONE grrr member apologized! It was not obvious to me right away that he left mumble and the server as I was so into playing the game. Once I did notice, I phoned Onyx immediately and asked why Mark was playing on another server but not in mumble anymore. She proceeded to tell me he was upset at being asked to leave the squad. At which point, I was in tears speaking to Onyx trying to explain it was not my intention to hurt Mark in any way and I held nothing against him. I asked to speak to Mark, but he refused. So I left it. Why would I phone if I didn't care about how Mark felt? If I was purposely out to ostracize him, why would I phone to find out if he was okay? I did not feel I had the need to apologize but I did so in any case to try and make peace. Its just who I am.

Fourthly, (is that a word?), I want to bring up the topic about grrr not playing BC2 anymore as I was Clan Leader at the time. I think Jarrod hit this on the head in his explanation. Anyway, what happened is that Mark cornered me whilst at a braai at my house and voiced his concerns about grrr not playing BC2 anymore and they (or maybe just he) felt rejected by this. Although I was one of those people that didn't care to play BC2 anymore, I did the politically correct thing by making a post asking people that still play BC2 to organize certain nights to play together. What more could I possibly do? Get out whips and chains out and force people to play against their will? I also want to mention that any grrr member has the right to voice their opinions on any topic at any time. There does not need to be some formal thread to discuss these types of things. I do not feel bad to say that its Onyx's own fault at not feeling confident enough to make a post herself. A feeling that I truly understand because I am also just as shy when it comes to these things.

Lastly, I was so upset earlier that I truly considered resigning myself just so that peace can be restored. Its obvious Mark's major grudge is against me and I thought if I were to disappear things could magically return to normal. And then I realized I was being a complete idiot. I know in my heart I had no bad intentions and if I'm selfish for wanting to play with members of my own clan (wtf is anyone in a clan then anyway?) then yes - I'm the selfish bitch Mark is making me out to be. I make no apologies for wanting to be with the people I love and that make me happy. Mark referred to one of those few couples that game together - well I know all about that! I was comparing his statements about gaming with Onyx to my gaming with Lep. There was a time when Dirk was still BFC and I was already grrr. I held no jealously if he had a practice night and vice versa. Lep is really one of those 'all-round' gamer types playing FPS, RPG, racing, strategy etc.... its often he's playing his own game alone and that is totally fine with me. What I'm saying is I don't understand the jealousy factor of one's partner playing something they are not. I believe people should still have their own identity and independence even when in a marriage/serious relationship.

In conclusion, I don't want to leave all of you but as Jono and Daz stated - I have enough RL shit to deal with and to have this hanging over me I'd rather stay away. If you think my offense is so great, then I ask you to hold a kick vote and I'll respect the decision. Its the only way I'd ever leave grrr. I care too much to leave by my own design. Besides which, I'd have to think of a totally different tattoo to get in March! Yours truly, Sheri aka Shadey aka NiteShade

P.S. - For Onyx specifically: I am totally broken that we've lost the very close relationship we once had. At first, I chalked up our lack of communication to 'new love'. We've all been there! When one is in love, friends do take a backseat and its totally natural. My heart is in pieces now because I know we cannot regain that friendship due to Mark's opinion of me. I just want you to know I love you with all my heart and I just want you to be happy. Truly happy... Even if that means we cannot be close anymore. * * Take care of yourself girly. You'll always be a part of me...

P.S.S. - To the guys, sorry if you think I'm being melodramatic here. Its how I truly feel and I needed to express that. Its what ya get for letting a chick into your clan ;o)

thank you shady - its really important to talk about things and NOT hold them in - people are not mind readers and hence this has all come about - as I said - communication will set you free.

Dear Grrr members

Thank you all for your responses. Our perception that you guys actually do care has been reinstated with one slight difference. By your re-conciliatory responses to my poor attempt at squaring this matter, we now know that you do, and that’s really awesome. Thank you. The best part is that Odette has seen this (with lots of tears in her eyes) and has decided to rather stick around with you bunch of misfits as she knows you guys cannot be replaced.

Jarrod, I would like to thank you for offering to make a platform available where this grumpy old man can “bitch from”. (Should one of you dare sit on his customary chair in the corner?). I will however really try and not use it for that, but rather just when I see us perhaps doing something wrong. By “us” I mean the Grrr “franchise”, even though I am not a member I still think you guys to be the best out there and care just as much about the clan as you.

If I have offended anyone then please accept my most warm and sincere apologies - it was only because I did not take the liberty to speak up (Yes, I am saying it’s my fault, but only this once), a liberty that I am sure, now in retrospect, you all would have afforded me (only because I am such a pain in the butt).

I did not want to single out any specific response other than Jarrod’s but, just as you Jarrod, who I know had to dig deep to make a concession for me, I think probably only because of Odette but none the less, I know that Daz perhaps had too as well, as you guys probably mean one hell of a lot more to him than what I do and Daz being one not mad about confrontations either.

Daz, I want to thank you for being such an awesome gentleman. If only I could be more like you.

Dear Sheri: a simple two word post (in a thread after the fact or in this one) “Sorry Odette” would have made the world of difference. I used “Odette” as you owe me absolutely nothing.

Perhaps what made what happened so tough to understand is your absence for probably a month before the incident, my gaming with the guys almost every evening in that period, not to mention your then further absence subsequent for almost a month after the incident.

This and the fact that yes, you asked me if I minded that you guys rather play together, to which I did say yes, you are very correct. Daz and Lep could have joined you and Jarrod in your squad and that would have been that. But instead you then asked me “I do not want to be a bitch but……”to leave my squad (the one you choose to leave to start a second squad for a Grrr player that joined, later), to make space for you and Jarrod. Surely the players in my squad could have quietly voted with their feet and joined yours if they felt that a practice was at hand?

I have never in the history of Grrr seen it done that way. The customary making space for a clan member has always been: make a new squad and those that want upon invitation then join or if it is some random player nobody knows he is asked, and sometimes kicked yes.

All Odette wanted was for us all to game in peace as it’s the one place we go for some freedom to just be (with lots of tears in her eyes as it means so much to her to have all those she cares about happy). I truly hope that at some stage you may find the composure to reconsider your reaction towards Odette as nowhere did she want to single out anyone and that’s perhaps why she chose to rather resign without pointing fingers at anyone (rather a general referral to a perception), she chose to rather go, lose something dear to her than hurt a friend. That has now come back to hurt her. Perhaps you do not realize how much weight she lends to her “online” friendships, you may never know now. Such a pity as I do.

So... if you guys feel the need to hear me moan like a stuck pig on mumble then I will gladly join if you so wish. This as I can with confidence say that I know from now on you guys will probably all try and "piss me off" by asking me to leave the squad I will however have to be in one of your squads for that to happen so just tell me if you need a guy in the squad to spam you with ammo.

Then a very big thank you to Jono for not interrupting my deliciously incorrect use of his beloved language.

Regards Mark

Hey.

Okay. so, as most of you know, I'm very new to the grrr group, so in all rights I have no real right to voice my opinion on this matter. Bur since i've had the pleasure of reading this whole thread, i have decided to forget that notion

...

this, to me, has gone on for long enough.

So...

Let me just say, Mark... Wtf? just get over yourself.
if you were rational enough to propose a very 'rational' solution to sherri and Leps' dilemma, you surely would have understood that they, as a squad, would have preferred to play together.
why then, do you set yourself up for disaster? When it has been quite evident that this (the whole squad situation), was all in preparation for the DGL.
.
really?

Onny, I haven't really had the chance to get to know you, but so far, you seem really awesome! it would have really saddened me if you had decided to leave grrr. thus I am very glad that you have not.

and Mark, please don't take too much offense to what i said. (just airing out here.)



new guy out.


PS: I hope we all can get together on the servers again soon, so we can kick some ASS!
...because, really, that's all that matters.

ROFL "Sorry, Odette". Really? Why the fuck would I apologize to my best friend that I didn't do anything to who wasn't even online at the time of the 'incident'? I tried to be PC in my previous post, but here is the no holds barred version:

So I'll start with a FUCK YOU, Mark. I have no reason to apologize to Odette. I phoned that same night to apologize TO YOU and its not my fault you didn't have the balls to speak to me then. Not that I really needed to apologize as I did nothing wrong. So go whimper in a corner.

Furthermore, how can you even pretend to know the ins and outs of grrr in terms of squad play? YOU ARE NOT A CLAN MEMBER. In fact, I played this last Wed where grrr kicked a non-member for me to join the squad. Get your facts straight before you make assumptions.

The only reason I will apologize to Odette is that I won't back down from you slandering my name. Obviously that will cause a divide between Odette and myself which saddens me to no end. I don't give a fuck what you think of me, Mark. In my heart I know I'm a good person and those close to me will also realize the same.

Anyhow, my absence a month before the incident has nothing to do with you. But just to make things clear, Dirk and I are busy making our new home neat and proper, not to mention the fact we were broken into twice in 12 days time...one of those on Christmas Day! So our focus was on our home instead of gaming...Oh God! Can you imagine! Fuck. To address the fact I stayed away a month after what you felt as 'the incident', I did so as it was the holidays where everyone is normally quiet and we had RL shit to deal with. We don't all live above our parent's garages and there is stuff to be done. Also, I admit I'd rather be in my garden then play with you Mark - I person that I don't respect.

In reference to Odette's online relationships, I count myself as one that was very close to her. I even spent a 2 week holiday at her place in PE a few years back. In fact, I feel its very strange that she's not standing up for me in this whole saga... we use to talk for hours about things and ask for advice from each other. Could it be the fact she has no choice? She's not working, doesn't have her own transport or place to stay. Could that be swaying her opinions?

You talk about Odette having freedom, but does she really? I only go to this extreme because she's not the 'Nursey" or my best friend that I used to know. Sure, we all change to adapt to new relationships but its like she gave up her whole personality when she moved in with you.

Mark, I miss my.. well, ex-best friend, and I attribute that all to you. You are a jealous, control-freak that is influencing my friend's thoughts. You call me selfish... but what are you doing? If you loved her as you proclaim, can you not see she also needs her online friends? She left her home (PE) and moved to Pretoria. All she has is you in her immediate vicinity. Shouldn't she be allowed some true freedom? Learn to trust someone!