Jokes of the Day

[SoSheOhPathix]

Here are one what Maak can laak to unnersten'...

‘n Boer het sy hand gesny terwyl hy draad gespan het, en terwyl die dokter steke insit gesels hulle. Uiteindelik kom die gesprek uit by Jacob Zuma en sy onvermydelike aanstelling as president.
“Wel” sê die boer, “Zuma is wat ons ‘n ‘hoekpaal skilpad’ noem.”
Die dokter is nie bekend met die term nie en vra hom uit daaroor.
“As jy op ‘n plaaspad ry en jy kom af op ‘n hoekpaal met ‘n skilpad bo-op gebalanseer, dít is ‘n ‘hoekpaal skilpad’.”
Die boer sien die vraagteken op die dokter se gesig en verduidelik verder.
“Jy weet hy het nie self daar gekom nie, hy hoort definitief nie daar nie, hy weet nie wat om te doen terwyl hy daar is nie, en jy kan maar net wonder wie die poephol is wat hom daar gesit het.”


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[flycatchr]

EH?

[Onyx]

EH?

Come see me in my office if you want convert the 'EH?' into a 'hehe'.

[NiteShade]

Ok, here's my best interpretation (with no help from Lep!)

An Afrikaan's oke cut his hand while he turned something (a spanner?) and they chatted while the doctor put stitches in. They ended up speaking about Jacob Zuma and his uhh being voted in as president. (?)
"Well" says the Afrikaaner, "Zuma is what we call a 'hoekpaal (no clue what that is, but my guess is a 'corner-something') turtle'".
The doctor is not familiar with the term and asks about it.
If you are riding on a farm road and you come up on a corner with a turtle on it (gebalanseer??), it is a "corner turtle."
The Afrikaaner see's by the look on the doctor's face that he still doesnt understand and so explains further...
"You know he did not get there himself, he definitely doesnt belong there, he doesnt know what to do while is he there, and you can only wonder what asshole put him there."

Was I close??

[flycatchr]

gebalanseer = a sore from a ball hitting you in the nads????


balanced

baaie dankie vir daai uitstekend vertaaling pragtige skaadu, ek vardeer dit baaie

[SoSheOhPathix]

Was I close??

Yes, you were close.
Hoekpaal = corner post (he was spanning wire... erecting a wire fence. It's a contextual joke)
Onvermydelik = unavoidable
gebalanseer = balanced

I thought Maak was a plank.
Okay, I still do, I just thought he was Afrikaans, too

[baselineac]

ROFL.......

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[AuRoRa]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting: ''I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against, not only blondes, but women in general...and all in the name of humor!''

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the blonde yells, ''You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!''

[AuRoRa]

A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that whenever a woman would whisper something to the farmer, he would nod his head "Yes" and say something. Whenever a man walked by and whispered to the farmer, he would shake his head, "No" and mumble a reply. Curious, the pastor later asked the farmer what that was all about.

The farmer replied, ''The women would say, 'What a terrible tragedy' and I would nod my head and say, 'Yes, it was.' The men would ask, 'You wanna sell that mule?' and I would shake my head and say, 'Can't. It's all booked up for a year.'"

[SoSheOhPathix]

In Mayfair Johannesburg, a fire destroyed a block of flats.
A Nigerian family of six con-artists lived on the first floor, and all six died in the fire.

An Islamic group of seven Somalian welfare cheats, all illegally in the country, lived on the second floor, and
they, too, all perished in the fire.

Six local ex-cons lived on the 3rd floor and they too, died.

One white couple lived on the top floor. The couple survived the fire.

Hearing this on national news, Julius Melema and Zwelinzima Vavi were furious. They flew into Joburg, teamed-up
with Jacob Zuma and quickly demanded a meeting with the Fire Chief. On camera, they loudly demanded to know why the
Blacks all died in the fire and only the white couple lived.

The Fire Chief replied, "The whites were at work."