SoSheOhPathix
20-07-2010, 03:56 PM
Okay.
So, once upon a time, there was a happy online shopper*, who enjoyed pissing money away by buying box sets of TV series, as he just couldn't be arsed waiting a whole week, for a 45 minute episode of a story he was quite fond of.
Okay, admittedly, he pissed money away on all sorts of worthless crap (e.g. duplicate gaming controllers which looked slightly different on web pages but turned out to be practically identical to the other controller he ordered at exactly the same time, books, pc games he never even installs, etc.)
One day, while he and his wife were watching some mindless bollocks on DSTV, they spotted a trailer for an upcoming TV series which perked his interest, and distracted him from rolling a joint, albeit only very briefly.
V has been remade! :wooty:
"That I gotta buy" said he. "If memory serves, it was pretty good the first time around"
I think his memory is failing as he surges towards his dotage, as, how good could a sci-fi series, produced in the early 80's, really have been? Have you rewatched the original 'Terminator' recently? I bought it on BluRay, and it's fucking terrible!
Anyway, he says to his wife that he will find it and purchase it online. The V remake series, that is. His wife, however, volunteers for the task. Fascinated by this newfound talent she apparently acquired, he agrees.
She goes ahead, sources it (the complete V series) and buys it.
It is delivered less than a week later. That night, the happy couple ssettle into the lounge suite and prepare to watch the new series.
Only to discover that she had sourced, and purchased, the complete ORIGINAL SERIES! :curses:
No, it wasn't any good.
But it did ask some interesting questions:
1. Why would bipedal lizards visiting earth spend so much time making human-suits and clothes, complete with odour-repellant (ever smelled a terrarium?), contact lenses, wigs, gigantic sunglasses, and orange jumpsuits with big shoulderpads? Surely people don't expect an alien space craft to appear, open up, and disgorge more people? That would be somewhat anti-climatic, IMO.
2. Okay, so maybe they didn't want to upset the more delicate people, and pretended to be human with frogs stuck in their throats (fortunately, they worked out how to cough them up for season 2, so those pesky double-voices didn't give them away). But why don't they just be their natural reptilian selves on their ships?
3. How does a lump of latex rubber glooped onto a lizard face, suddenly alter their cranial structure, and make them look like people, with facial expressions and everything?
4. How on earth did people think those fat-assed hags were hot? Did they only invent diets and gyms in the 90's?
5. The 'fighters' have the agility and speed of a microlight that has run out of fuel. How, exactly, did they overcome our military forces?
6. Alien rifles are rechargeable 'whoosh' guns (I genuinely believe that someone was saying "Whoosh!" when it came to sound FX for these weapons) with fancy electronic sights. At one point, a lizard explains how they can be zoomed, set to thermal imaging, etc. How come they couldn't hit the planet from orbit when firing these things, but Michael Ironside can fire a 9mm Uzi SMG from the hip, with one hand, and hit an atom hiding in the eye of a needle, 1000 metres away?
* Names have been omitted to protect me from the righteous wrath of my wife if she ever reads this. :ffs:
So, once upon a time, there was a happy online shopper*, who enjoyed pissing money away by buying box sets of TV series, as he just couldn't be arsed waiting a whole week, for a 45 minute episode of a story he was quite fond of.
Okay, admittedly, he pissed money away on all sorts of worthless crap (e.g. duplicate gaming controllers which looked slightly different on web pages but turned out to be practically identical to the other controller he ordered at exactly the same time, books, pc games he never even installs, etc.)
One day, while he and his wife were watching some mindless bollocks on DSTV, they spotted a trailer for an upcoming TV series which perked his interest, and distracted him from rolling a joint, albeit only very briefly.
V has been remade! :wooty:
"That I gotta buy" said he. "If memory serves, it was pretty good the first time around"
I think his memory is failing as he surges towards his dotage, as, how good could a sci-fi series, produced in the early 80's, really have been? Have you rewatched the original 'Terminator' recently? I bought it on BluRay, and it's fucking terrible!
Anyway, he says to his wife that he will find it and purchase it online. The V remake series, that is. His wife, however, volunteers for the task. Fascinated by this newfound talent she apparently acquired, he agrees.
She goes ahead, sources it (the complete V series) and buys it.
It is delivered less than a week later. That night, the happy couple ssettle into the lounge suite and prepare to watch the new series.
Only to discover that she had sourced, and purchased, the complete ORIGINAL SERIES! :curses:
No, it wasn't any good.
But it did ask some interesting questions:
1. Why would bipedal lizards visiting earth spend so much time making human-suits and clothes, complete with odour-repellant (ever smelled a terrarium?), contact lenses, wigs, gigantic sunglasses, and orange jumpsuits with big shoulderpads? Surely people don't expect an alien space craft to appear, open up, and disgorge more people? That would be somewhat anti-climatic, IMO.
2. Okay, so maybe they didn't want to upset the more delicate people, and pretended to be human with frogs stuck in their throats (fortunately, they worked out how to cough them up for season 2, so those pesky double-voices didn't give them away). But why don't they just be their natural reptilian selves on their ships?
3. How does a lump of latex rubber glooped onto a lizard face, suddenly alter their cranial structure, and make them look like people, with facial expressions and everything?
4. How on earth did people think those fat-assed hags were hot? Did they only invent diets and gyms in the 90's?
5. The 'fighters' have the agility and speed of a microlight that has run out of fuel. How, exactly, did they overcome our military forces?
6. Alien rifles are rechargeable 'whoosh' guns (I genuinely believe that someone was saying "Whoosh!" when it came to sound FX for these weapons) with fancy electronic sights. At one point, a lizard explains how they can be zoomed, set to thermal imaging, etc. How come they couldn't hit the planet from orbit when firing these things, but Michael Ironside can fire a 9mm Uzi SMG from the hip, with one hand, and hit an atom hiding in the eye of a needle, 1000 metres away?
* Names have been omitted to protect me from the righteous wrath of my wife if she ever reads this. :ffs: